Vices & Virtues
by walnutsandoaks
Summary: Based on Panic! At The Disco's Vices & Virtues album, it's a collection of one-shots that revolve around Barney/Robin.
1. The Ballad Of Mona Lisa

**(A/N: I was listening to the Panic! At The Disco record (Vices & Virtues), and I decided to write a story (multi-chaptered) to the record. I may include the bonus tracks, depending on whether I can get any inspiration from those to write something proper, but this is just the concept for this story. **

**For this chapter in particular, I'm interpreting the song as conflicting thoughts within a character, who really wants to get out of what he's become and be a better person. It may not be exactly what the song seems to bring out, but I hope you guys like it.)**

Lights flicker in the background, and he pushes a hand off his bare chest carelessly, causing the girl next to him to stir noisily. "Oh, why so early?" She murmurs quietly, eyes still shut tight. He pulls on his bathrobe, frowning disapprovingly at the girl who has her limbs splayed out untidily on his sheets. Making a mental note to get the apartment cleaner to change them, he claps his hands twice, no-nonsense style. "Come on, get out of my apartment." His tone is cold and distant, his gaze trained out of the window as he remarks, and she takes his hint without another word. She lets herself out of his apartment, like many girls have done before her, the familiar double twist of the doorknob rings out, few have been able to figure out how to unbolt his door on their first try.

He draws the heavy curtains shut, silently cursing himself for not closing them the night before. He looks at himself in the mirror, a disgusted expression slowly spreading across his face. Gin bottles were strewn all over the floor of his room, he had brought a heavy drinker home the night before, and it was a bad choice. Terrible in bed, clingy in her sleep, she wasn't worth his time. He stared at the photograph lone photo frame on his dresser, one of all of them in Ted's apartment, beaming happily. He looked handsome and his suit was immaculate, as always, but he only had eyes for her. But despite all the flaws he knew she had, he knew he still wasn't good enough for her. He was addicted to sex, got his fix from one-night stands, played any girl he saw in the streets if she caught his eye, toyed with innocent girls' feelings. He was, in the plainest of words, an asshole. Worse than the asshole who dumped his dream girl.

He spends every morning alone, adjusts his tie himself, picks out his own suit. Sometimes, he talks to himself, scolds himself for all his inadequacies, promising to wean off his vices, to be a better a person. He doesn't dare dream to be worthy of her, but he dreams. He remembers every word she says, the expression she wears when she looks back at him, although without the lingering feelings that he carries. He looks at the sun, willing it to be a day when he does good, be less of the jackass that he knows he's stuck in the image of. Hopes for a sign that he wants to believe in.

He trains himself to mask his feelings effectively, practices different expressions in the mirror that convey the right emotions. He doesn't dare to show his affection, he leaves his tone blatantly condescending at times, using his arrogance and nonchalance to hide his vulnerabilities and uncertainties. He's desperate, he tries hard some days, redeems himself some way, but somehow he has the uncanny knack of letting himself slide back into the zone of the jerks.

He goes through the motions of his day job, details of which he keeps from his closest friends. Spins in his swivel chair, letting her words swim through his mind as he glances fleetingly at the motivational posters in his office. Each of those adorned proudly by his self, dressed in a fine tailored suit.

He fears that one day, the walls that he's spent so much time building, will be broken down, and people will see him for the incorrigible asshole that he is. They know he's a player, but they don't know that he's a weak-willed jerk that can't even motivate a little change in himself long enough for others to take notice. They don't know that he doesn't dare to force himself to be good enough for the woman he loves.

_Say what you mean / Tell me I'm right / And let the sun rain down on me _

_Give me a sign / I want to believe_

**(A/N: I hope it's satisfactory. Give me some tips and comments?)**


	2. Let's Kill Tonight

**(A/N: Finally got round to writing the next chapter, set to Panic's Let's Kill Tonight. Mainly just about having fun.)**

"Barney, you're not fourteen anymore, which adult still celebrates his birthday at a laser tag centre?" Ted had his judgmental look on, and shook his head slightly in disbelief. They all knew of Barney's impossible obsession with laser tag, but it was ridiculous, to celebrate his birthday playing laser tag. Admittedly, it sounded good, having the whole place to themselves and he could do what he loved most after sex, but it just wasn't age-appropriate.

"Ted, it's laser tag! It's timeless! Right, Robin?" The minute he let the words slip, he silently cursed himself, why did he say her name?

"I think it's rather cool, I mean, laser tag, it doesn't get very much better than that, loosen up a little, Ted!"

They split into two teams, Ted with Lily and Marshall, leaving Robin to partner Barney. As Ted passed a wavering glance, he thought he noticed Barney leaving a small smile for a second too long. Could it be that Barney still fancied Robin?

"Alright, Sparkles, you'll take the left flank, and I'll bank right, take cover behind a box, and we should be able to get Lily and Marshall easily, then we'll double on Ted. Clear? Let's kill tonight!"

He dived behind a large carton, one of his favourite spots, he had personally put it there before the others had arrived, as always. He hated to admit it, but it was his key strategy - hide, take down the enemies one by one, then go all out for the last. It wasn't as gung-ho as he said his playing style was, but it worked, all the time.

He waited. The minutes ticked by, and he glanced at the clock hanging overhead. Time was nearly up, what was going on? No one had even fired a shot yet, let alone been disabled. The stats were ridiculous. Barney got up hesitantly, looking left and right to make sure none of the other team were in sight. "Psst...Robin! Change of plans!"

"Happy birthday to you..." The slightly out of place rough twang of the electric guitar rang out, and Marshall's distinct bass tones stood out among the higher pitches from Lily and Robin. Ted wheeled out a cake, in the shape of a laser tag gun, and laughed as Barney, for once, was stunned beyond words.

"Don't look at me. It was Robin's idea." Ted stepped out of the way as Marshall lit the solitary candle, and Barney blew it out gratefully after a short wish. _I wish that I could have the rest of the night with Robin's company. _

**(A/N: I sincerely apologise for this chapter. Not the easiest song to write to, and to be honest, I doubt my interpretation is very accurate. Sorry, and I will make amends in the next chapter!) **


	3. Hurricane

**(A/N: Set to Panic's Hurricane, and I've interpreted this as a secret between two people, slightly cliched to say, but a whirlwind romance. Enjoy.)**

He wakes up, and she's still there, he doesn't know what he's surprised at - him still being there, or her staying the whole night. Admittedly, it's his place, so he's right where he should be. Under normal circumstances, he would wake the female up, make her get dressed and usher her out of the apartment before she even started talking about breakfast and calling her back.

Barney Stinson did not do callbacks. But this wasn't a normal circumstance. _I want you to catch me like a cold_, he thinks as she looks at her, still sleeping soundly as his blinds remain undrawn. He doesn't wake her up, but merely stares at her perfect features, she isn't wearing make-up, she wasn't the night before at the bar. But _holy crap, (she's) beautiful! _

Out of curiosity, he opens her back, and he shouldn't be surprised, but he still is. A small pistol, unloaded, sitting at the bottom of her bag. He remembers laser tag, a few years back, when she spun quickly on her heels and aimed a shot at him, he knew she'd be right on target. _When you shoot, I think I'd duck_, he thinks, but he recalls just standing there because he never expected that she'd be as good as him at laser tag. Nearly as good.

Memories of the previous night floods his mind, when they stumbled into his apartment, his hands glued to her back, his tongue entangled with hers. _I led the revolution in my bedroom_, _and I set all the zippers free. _His pants, dropping to the floor with a dull thud as he notices how his belt buckle is slightly tarnished, and he smiles as he fingers it fondly. A smirk forms across his face, as he hears her voice in his head, "_Unzip me, Stinson." _They agreed, _no more wars, no more clothes, _just _peace_, "Kiss me."

He notices her squirming slightly, her hand was under the pillow. He gently pulls her hand out, her beautifully slender hand. The same hand that holds a scotch glass every night, the same hand that he once held at the intersection when they were pretending to be boyfriend and girlfriend when they already were, just that they didn't realise it. _We are a hurricane_, he realises, they spin through, madly in love for a short period of time, and mess everything up. Nothing was the same after they broke up, no matter how hard they tried to pretend it was.

The way he talks to himself about relationships, _I know, I know, that they don't sound like me. _He dated Nora, she dated Don, it feels like their relationship was a gateway that opened them both to the world of dating, and past that of one night stands. He missed the no strings attached contract, among the dating people, he feels like _a wolf among the sheep_.

She stirs slightly, and he dashes into the bathroom, pulling out his shaver hastily. He sprays shaving cream all over his chin, and looks into the mirror, but pauses.

_Who I am hates who I've been. _I'm not the same Barney Stinson, I can't sleep with a woman without catching feelings anymore, can I?

He hears the sound of padded feet on the parquet floor, and his door is opened, just a crack, and he sees the messy dark curls peek through.

"I'll just, you know, get going. See you tonight, at McLarens. This... Yeah."

He wants to say more, but he doesn't want to ruin this dynamic. It's a screwed up dynamic, but one nonetheless. He doesn't want to risk not having this friends with benefits scenario, it feels like he's grown apart from her enough over these two years, and if this is all they've got, it's better than nothing.

Maybe, one day, he'll tell her.


	4. Memories

**(A/N: Set to Panic!'s Memories, you may read this knowing I've written it intending for a third person, Ted perhaps, as the narrator, and Barney and Robin the subjects. Or you could just read it the way it is. Very much an open-ended fic. Sorry it's taken me so long to update this, it's just harder to write good songfics for me.)**

You could call it an amicable split, and they were still friends. At least, to their friends, they seemed like they were taking it perfectly fine. After all, theirs was what you'd consider a whirlwind romance - plenty of action, but it went as quickly as it came. I didn't know the full story, and no one would, since neither of them did either. They were too concerned with moving on with as little impact on the outside as possible, they forgot that a wound never heals on the outside if the tissues on the inside haven't repaired themselves.

We know they tried, but it wasn't easy for them. They weren't the kind of people you'd imagine in a real relationship, they needed a constant for them to stay on track and not veer too far away from what most would consider normalcy in relationship terms. They didn't last long, even though the build-up took them so long, took them more courage than they'd ever had to muster. They got past their non-committal ideals, and were finally opening up to the relationship-with-each-other idea, but there was still something that stood in their way. They were, in a sense, dysfunctional, lacking the balance to keep the sparks flying. _It__wasn__'__t__for__them,__this__relationship__stuff_, they decided, _they__would__try__and__make__it__on__their__own_.

But I see the changes. I'm not the only one. There's a certain vibrance, a certain life, missing from them. From the way they see things, analyse situations; a negativity clouds their judgment, and as much as they try to deny, it gets more obvious by the day. Unrequited love on both sides, it's an odd situation, you'd say, _if__they__'__re__in__love,__why__don__'__t__they__just__tell__each__other?_But that's not their style, see, they're the kind of people that need a little push, a little pre-assurance, a little confidence booster, before they make their move.

The months wear on, and they look happy, they keep the smiles on their faces. They exchange the same friendly banter as they used to before they had the whole hurricane run through them. It isn't obvious, of course it isn't. They're careful, they're good at hiding, it was how this whole thing started. On hindsight, they should have been left alone for a little longer, to run away a little longer, let them fall irreversibly in love, perhaps that way, what they had would have been stronger.

But gradually, the signs are easier to notice, if you know where to look. He leaves the little lingering stares, laughs a little too loudly at her jokes, jumps too quickly to assure her of the weirdest things, even if it's painfully out of his call. She says "but...um" a little too often, drinks too many glasses of scotch when she's next to him or opposite him in the booth, and always avoids being alone with him by coming late to the bar. He watches what he shares about his conquests when she's around, invites her to laser tag games whenever he wants to play, although he hastily asks us as well, even though it's clear that he isn't really thinking about the latter option. She turns down date requests at the bar, even when the guy that's asking her out is what we'd call a perfect man, well-dressed, decent looks and all, and she only accepts his laser tag invites after we do, pushing us to go along before she gives her final word.

These memories they hold of each other while they were together, it's all they'll ever know. The familiarity of each others' body against their own, the kisses that progress from tender to searching and then claiming; the looks that they exchange without even meaning to. It's chemistry, and they won't ever lose it, even if they try to avoid the awkwardness that has resulted.

They secretly miss each other, and they don't want those memories to fade away. We try, to help them both realise that, but it's fight that they've got to win alone. It's a war they're fighting, and the first battle, they'd lost. But a war isn't just about that first battle. Sure, it's a hard one to come back from, because you'll always return from a battle with scars, bruises and fears. But they're the king and queen of comebacks, and they have got a fighting chance, as long as they don't let those memories fade away.


	5. Trade Mistakes

**(A/N: Panic's Trade Mistakes, told from Barney's perspective this time, it's easier to do it from a male's POV for this story because it's Brendon's lyrics after all. I hope you guys like this.)**

He looks at her from behind, and he shouldn't be surprised that he thinks this way, but even in his ill-fitting coat, she looks stunning as ever, those dark brown curls tumbled loosely over the thick collar. But he blinks, and realises that he's looking at a woman with the biggest dreams he knows, a woman who needs to leave New York, because as large as this city is, she's bigger than the city can offer her. She needs to explore the world, explore Morocco, Greece, Russia, the wonderfully exotic places, and experience what New York doesn't have. One day, she'll return, she'll return as the fulfilled person he knows she'll be, and perhaps, then is when is the right time.

They're at one of GNB's many social events, him, Ted and Marshall dressed in sharp tuxedos, Lily in a bright evening gown that makes her look taller than her slight build, and Robin in another of her many toga dresses. It's an excellent look for her, but then again, she could be wearing sweatpants and a hoodie and he'd still think she was beautiful. When you love a person, every thing they do becomes perfect, and it doesn't matter even if it's supposed to be obnoxious, you see the good points in their actions, and that's all you can really see.

A slow song comes on, and Barney finds himself walking towards her, a small smile on his face. A bittersweet smile, because he knows this is the last dance they'll share for a while. She laughs, her hearty laughter that's infectious that he can't help but laugh along, and they're easily the couple with the best moves, even though slow's not really their style. The next song is more upbeat, and a naughty glint is in her eyes, and even though he knows this dance will make him pine even more when he has to let her go, he obliges, lifting her up, an adapted version of Dirty Dancing, but in their easy, casual, "Barnman & Robin" style. The song fades off, and he grazes her cheek with the side of his hand, letting his fingers follow her sharp jawline, and her lips part to speak, but he quickly puts his finger over them, tenderly, and leans in a kiss. It's not their style, this slow, sweet, romantic thing, it's never been their style. They've always been hot, passionate, spontaneous, and he knows that she senses something amiss.

She comes back to his place that night, of course, it's their pattern, and since Ted has a date for the night, they can't go back to hers even though it's nearer. The sex is more familiar, he wants her, and she wants him too, there's no slipping up there. But it's the afterwards, that feels more final, more disjointed, more real. He stays awake by her side, he's tired but he refuses to let his eyes close, wanting to take in her features for hours more. He could continue, keeping her by his side, but it would be a mistake, he would be stifling her dreams.

She told him, when they got together for real, after all the bogus statements they rattled off to Lily and Marshall because Lily demanded that they defined their relationship, she told him that he saved her from herself. Saved her from becoming a mess of career-driven decisions and mistakes. Told him that he was the only mistake she was willing to make, the only risk she would take. But he knows that them staying on together, like this, would be the real mistake, because as much as they seem happy right now, he sees Robin for the dreams she has that aren't fulfilled, and he sees himself as a better person than a selfish man who would rather possess his beloved rather than let them be happy. If he held on, he'd be the anchor that sinks her, and right now, her oar's already sinking, and he wants to save her, wants to save her by cutting their strings right now before it's too late for her to go as far as she can.

They tell you that love's about meeting the right one, and knowing it, and sustaining that relationship because you know that you want to hold on to them no matter what it takes. They say that love's about caring for each other, understanding each other, and wanting the best for them. Love is all that, and more, because love changes a person. Love gives a person a wider angle to see life from, and love allows a person to make decisions that don't just benefit themselves, but rather, let their beloved thrive on before themselves. Love changes a person's character, and helps them become that better person that they've unconsciously always wanted to be.

If he didn't love Robin, he'd simply hold on, and keep on going in their pattern, become an old married couple like Ted always fantasises about. But it's because he loves her, that he's so sure that it doesn't matter which route they take - they'll always be together. After all, it's chemistry, that draws two people together, but it's the timing, that fuses them together forever.

**(A/N: It's a little of an odd one, but I hope you guys liked it.)**


	6. Ready To Go

**(A/N: Panic's Ready To Go (Get Me Out Of My Mind), this is a fun one to write for me, it's a little lighter than what I've been writing, and for once, it'll be from Robin's point-of-view 'cause it's more open than the other tracks, so yeah, enjoy, and review if you like it.)**

The little things about people are the things that you usually miss out on when you're not reading them right. Sure, you're looking at them, but you're just seeing what they're showing on the outside, and not what they genuinely are.

She pulls a Mosby on him, more than once, and it's been a while, but she realises that the feelings, they don't go away. It's different from the past. With Ted, she always felt safe, but burdened by his expectations of a relationship, and the things he wanted from life. With Barney, it was a lot more about the wild, spontaneous motions and the unexpected. She thought she'd found the balance with Don, someone who understood her undying passion for her work, but of course, he just turned out to be one of those selfish bastards that weren't worth the time.

But she can't deny that she's in love with Barney once more. Just this little thing, is it really little? She runs away from it, because it's the way she's most familiar with, it's what she's best at. She ran away from her father's expectations, she ran away from her best friends in the past, and running away - there's something about being able to let it all go and start afresh that makes it such an appealing option.

The difference between those times and now is that in the past, she always knew where she was going. Right now, she's running away from the person who she has feelings for, the person who makes her feel like everything's alright, the person who tells her she's the most awesome person in the world.

This time, when she runs away, she's running away from reality, she's running away from the future, and she's merely running backwards and restarting everything because the future seems, terrifying, and she knows it's a mistake to go back to the past, but she's afraid. When she's afraid, she likes to go back to what she knows best, and this, it's what she knows best.

They come so close to making the same mistakes as they did in the past.

His hand brushes her thigh once too often in the bar when he's next to her, and when she shoots him a glare, he merely cocks his head to the side and lifts his eyebrow slightly as if to say, "Really?"

When he's sitting opposite her in the booth, he toes her shin lightly, she can feel the softness of his leather shoes, and the cheeky smile that he tries unsuccessfully to suppress, it's there.

They have the late night chats, even though the bar isn't short on quality, it seems like he genuinely wants to know about her day, and he's even cutting down on his bad jokes and ridiculous stories.

He lets slip one or two too many comments about how beautiful she is, and how their sex was up there with the best. He puts his arm around her without a thought, and the way his hand rubs her shoulder absent-mindedly, she gets the feeling that he's doing all these subconsciously, and she likes it.

She stumbles on her own, too. She asks Barney for his jacket when she's cold, even though they all know how particular Barney is about his impeccable Italian suits and them getting wrinkled, and when Ted's got a perfectly clean and freshly-laundered jacket still sitting in its laundry bag.

She puts on sundresses more often than she needs to, and the heels that she knows he likes. She goes without the make-up almost every day when she goes down to the bar, even making the effort to remove it sometimes, because she'd like to hear him tell her that she's still stunning even without the shield that most women wouldn't dare to go without.

She sees the changes in him, the way he seems to care more about the things around him, and all the reasons she gave herself to remind herself that she couldn't be with him, those reasons are suddenly losing their validity by the day.

It's another night, another typical day at the bar. But Marshall and Lily have an elaborate date planned because it's their anniversary, neither Barney nor Robin cared to hear the number, because even though they are changed people, these anniversaries, they still don't hold that much weight in their eyes.

Ted leaves early, because he's flying out to San Francisco the next day for some architect convention, which they don't pay attention to again, because it's Ted, he tells them everything they don't need to know.

Soon enough, it's just the two of them. It's a dangerous situation, she knows, but his eyes, are they bluer tonight?

"Robin, what we have, so maybe I don't know what it is. I'm not good with labels, we both aren't, we talked about it two years ago, and I'm still not comfortable with that stuff. What I do know, is that there's something holding you back. I'm not telling you that I want you to be my girlfriend. I'm content, having you for company at night, to drink scotch with, admire fancy cigars with. I've got to admit, I wasn't ready to have a relationship the last time we were together. But I feel like I'm ready now, and I'm just wondering, if you'd like to cross a road with me."

This time, she doesn't over-think it, she doesn't care about the consequences, what do they matter anymore, anyway, because they're changed people. His hand is on the table, and it's a cliche, but she slips her hand into his and smiles as she whispers, "I think I'm ready to go."


	7. Always

**(A/N: The verses of this song reminds me a lot of Barney, and the chorus of Robin, and that's all you really need to know. Set AU from Season 7, but my timelines are all messed up in this fic anyway. Enjoy, and I apologise for taking so long to update!)**

He glances across the room in the dim lighting, just barely making out the light that they've both put on their sensor jackets. Ted was supposed to be his partner for the laser tag tournament, but of course he'd pulled out for a girl. _"She could be the one, Barney! What if she's the one and I miss this chance and end up single all my life? You'd have to catsit for me when I go back to Cleveland for the holidays! Do you want that, Barney?" _

It wasn't very bro of him, but Barney relented, knowing how desperate Ted was getting. _Too desperate_, he thinks to himself, and the look he exchanged with Lily as he argued with Ted confirmed his thoughts.

He'd registered Ted's name in the form, but of course, that was merely a formality, he was the defending champion in the singles game. He thought, _hey, it'll be nice to give the other people a chance in the singles competition, I'll let Ted have a shot at winning at laser tag. _It was a brilliant idea, even Ted had to admit so at the time.

"Oh, I'll step in for Ted, I'm a better player anyway, aren't I, Stinson?" Robin had been awfully quiet for a bit, and she kept her expression neutral as she downed the rest of her scotch. "Bros help each other when bros need help, no?"

Barney pauses for a moment, and remembers the first time they kissed, when all the awkwardness started, _although most of what he remembers is how soft her hair felt on his shoulder, how cold her arm felt as he soothed her with his warm hand, how her lips mashed up against his so easily, and how their bodies moved in tandem. It's his third-best memory of Robin Scherbatsky, although she probably doesn't know that it's beaten by the first time he saw her. _

"Yeah. I'm glad you're on board, Scherbatsky."

Robin's the most independent woman he's ever known. She's the only woman who has been non-clingy, and hasn't asked for any hint of commitment. Perhaps because she's the only one who has really understood him, and even though they've been going through an awkward patch, they're still, you know, bros.

She still doesn't know why she volunteered to partner Barney in this competition. It's not that she doesn't like laser tag, she does, she really does, probably only slightly less than Barney. It's something about games with guns that interest her more than others, and she's being humble, but she's good at laser tag. Really good. The two of them, they're a shoo-in for the championship trophy, no doubt about it.

Part of her still feels like an idiot for being afraid to take the steps she knew she had to take, and this feels like, to a certain extent, redemption. She knows how much this means to Barney, and she hopes that she means more, _really, she knows she means more, _but she knows she needs to do this for him. The time they spend together, _as friends, nothing more_, are getting less and less. It's half down to her avoiding him, and half down to them both not wanting to confront their feelings and find out what things really mean.

It was always Barney that was there for her, up till now, she's unable to decide if it's a matter of coincidence, or whether he's always made sure that he'd be there when she needed someone.

She puts on the blinking light that he passes to her without any questions, it's useful, she has to admit, even if it does make them more conspicuous in the dark. He doesn't even bother briefing her on what she needs to do, he knows, _he just knows_, he's picked the best partner he could ask for. They're practically telepathic at times, aren't they? "Anyway, I'm the light blinking at the end of the room, if I give you two flashes, just blink back to let me know."

She knows that Barney may well be what Ted describes to be "the one" for her, and it's not just because he's there, or because he's the best kisser she's dated, or because he's _the only one who's been able to keep up with her pace_. It's mainly because he's been through a lot, and he empathises with her in a way that no one else can. It's not like they haven't tried, but Barney just gets her. Effortlessly. The sign that she puts up, the one outside, the one that says _"leave me alone!"_, he has one too.

She loses focus for a moment, but Barney's skill has easily taken out a couple of pairs. There are five left, and he gives her two flashes, and she lets her light blink back, twice, smiling, but maybe he doesn't see it, she doesn't know.

In that instance, it doesn't matter to him whether they win or lose, all he sees is her smile, and he knows, that she knows, _it was always you. _


End file.
